I wake up and I look to my desk in the darkness. There’s definitely something moving over there. My cat? It can’t be my cat, I don’t have one as far as I remember. A rat? One of the outside squirrels that somehow managed to enter? A bat? Slowly, very slowly so that it doesn’t run away, whatever it is, I move my hand to the light switch and switch it on, while I jump out of bed.
– What? – a manly deep voice shouts at me. His tone is of annoyance, not of surprise. – Oh, it’s you. Sorry I woke you up. – I look to my desk. Over it, a Santa Claus the size of an average garden gnome is trying to drink the remnants of my whiskey out of the big crystal glass that I served myself yesterday. I left the half when I achieved at around midnight the desired effect, that is, to forget about my shitty job. Wait. Am I still dreaming? – No you’re not. – Santa says. Are you sure? – The small Santa looks me in the eyes to say: – Yes I am. And before you ask about it, yes I do read your mind. I got the power so I can quickly find out if you’re lying or not – He seems to laugh to himself about an internal joke – not that it’s a reliable power, but it’s a good one most of the time.
– So what are you doing in my humble property? – Small Santa empties my glass and looks with lovely eyes to the bottle I left a little bit beyond his reach. Yes, you can take it if you need it, I think, not intentionally proving his powers but deep in my heart. He leaves the glass and start to move slowly in the direction on the bottle. First things first, I say to myself. Even if he’s not real, the sense of hospitality must be kept.
-Well, you know, I have these reindeers, Donner, Blitzen, Vixen, Cupid and so on. You remember them, right? – I try to remember the names but I can’t manage. Probably it’s not important. – Not for you, but it is for me! So you know, there are some open issues between Cupid and Dasher. This is not of public domain, but before they entered under my command there was that beautiful reindeer that they both wanted to cover…- At this point Small Santa managed to pour himself another generous whiskey. – You know how these things are. I’m sure you know, don’t lie to me. Humans are not so different to reindeers, some of them can really get crazy around a carrot. Yes, yes, lame joke. The thing is, as for your car, I do tests rides before the big day. Yeah… this is not our real size, it’s that we can compress or expand my body – suddenly he becomes blurry, like defocused, then he focuses again – depending on the needs. How the hell do you expect me then to go through the chimney? – It makes totally sense. There’s the problem of making the presents less dense or smaller, but I think you could explain that one with magic. – But let’s focus. The thing is, I was on my test ride, invisible and so on, when we cross that reindeer…. and guess what? Cupid and Dasher decide to start over the old fight in the middle of the ride! Since I respect and do not interfere on the sexual life of all the creatures, I’m forced to hop off. Do you know how long is lasting the sexual intercourse of reindeers? – I show my ignorance about the subject on my face the best way I can. – What do you do when two of your friends decide to go for a girl, and you’re in the middle? Exactly! And I was lucky, you were really close and friendly! – I guess I could define myself in that way. Friendly. So Santa does know me. Interesting. At this moment, I decide to accept the situation and go for a second glass. Do we have ice? -Yes thanks, I want also if you can bring me…- I go to the fridge, take four cubes, come back to my desk and add two cubes to small Santa’s glass. Then I take the bottle an add two fingers to my glass.
-Cheers.- Small Santa scratches his butt, and with a geometrical effort takes the glass (that is half his size) to cling it with mine. We smile. A sudden feeling of happiness invades me. A sudden and meaningless, reasonless feeling.
-Cheers! You rock, man! -I got the joke. A very bad one also. But we laugh together, as old friends do. – Do you have some snacks by any chance? I’m starving!